Compose Yourself
by Allegriana
Summary: Though he wouldn't care to admit it, Joshua has a past. A past he's ashamed of... one he wants to forget. This is the story of the past he wishes to leave behind. Sorry, no pairings, kiddos. T for safety.


**Name: **Compose Yourself**  
Summary: Though he wouldn't care to admit it, Joshua has a past. A past he's ashamed of... one he wants to forget. This is the story of the past he wishes to leave behind. Sorry, no pairings, kiddos.  
Pairing:** None. Used to be J/N, but then I realised it didn't quite work.  
**Warnings:** Spoilers for the Secret Reports, I guess. But if you haven't read them, you won't recognize the spoilers anyway… I think… _Contains sadness and a big chunk of Joshua's past as I interpret it.__ Well, it's one of my interpretations, anyhow._ _A kinda boo-hoo depressing one, at first._ :)**  
Disclaimer: AS USUAL, I own nothing. Meh. There'd be a lot more fluff in TWEWY if I owned it. Alas, it is property of Square Enix and Jupiter.**

**A/N: **_Good evening FanFiction community~! (Or Morning/Afternoon, depending where the heck you are.) Cookie here, reporting live from her computer. This here will be my first TWEWY Fic, so no doubt, it won't get much of a reception (it seems I have a knack for writing for fandoms that enjoy giving me the cold shoulder…), but I will write regardless! WITH RECKLESS ABANDON! (Wow, Ayame Sohma much?)  
_

_This fic actually started off as a JoshxNeku one... however, I then realised it didn't quite fit. The fluff and/or the concept seemed a bit naff, so to satisfy my self confidence (or lack thereof) and my ways of perfectionism, I decided to strip it down to the backstory (Joshua's past) and make it the main, and only point. I just wanted to publish something, and it seemed a shame to get rid of all the work I put in! So here you go. Undoubtedly it shall suck ass, but you'll read it anyway, riiiiiiight...? _

_Please regard me kindly! (:  
_

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**- Compose Yourself -**

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Joshua 'Yoshiya' Kiryu had never been an average child. Born into a rich Shibuyan family in the late 1980's, he demonstrated remarkable intelligence and motor skills throughout his childhood. Thus, he was a prized possession to his parents - they didn't see him as their child, merely a trophy. Something (not someone!) they could show off to their other wealthy 'friends'. At any other time, he was fed, schooled, and then left to his own devices.

He was taught how to act, how to been seen but not heard. How to be the perfect little 'pet' for his parents to put on display. Joshua never made many friends himself, what with his lack of social skills and meek nature. He just didn't know how to, as sad as it was. Constantly trying to impress his insatiable parents, the boy didn't find time to mingle, to laugh, to properly develop his emotions. His taste's and opinions weren't his own; but as he knew no different, he didn't mind.

The facade began to crumble, however, after the silverette's 9th birthday.

The young Kiryu began to see strange things, things that were alien to him. Men and women streaking across the city as if their lives depended on it, shadowy figures with equally shadowy wings hot on their trail, feral grins painted on their faces. Often, he would see odd creatures with tattoos for limbs, that seemed intent on attacking the 'Players', as he liked to call them. The things he saw scared him, he would admit, but somehow still intrigued him. It soon became an obsession, him watching the action; he was enthralled.

Meanwhile, news spread through the Higher Ground like wildfire: a boy had the Sight. The Sight, in it's purest form, was the ability to see into higher planes without the need for a higher Frequency. Many had it's weaker forms, seeing glimpses of the UG here and there. The fully powered Sight, on the other hand, was much rarer, with only a few receiving it every century. Those who were lucky enough to have the ability were destined for greatness in the afterlife. Therefore, it's sudden appearance was a cause for heated discussion amongst the Angels - the boy needed protection and a nudge in the right direction.

Sanae Hanekoma was given the job of being Joshua's Guardian, much to his surprise.

Through Imprinting, the boy was subtly persuaded to visit WildKat on one of his daily wanderings (his parents let him come and go as he pleased, as long as he was home when they had use of him). The cafe had already been the Angel-barista's base of operations for years beforehand, and he felt most comfortable carrying out his duty there.

Tentatively, the young Joshua stepped into the store, not bothering to close the door behind him. The bell jingled merrily in his wake. At first, the whole place seemed deserted, with nothing but a strong smell of coffee in the air - however, it was only moments before the dark-haired Angel stepped out from what appeared to be the back room.

"Hey kid." he smirked at the dusty-haired boy, "'Cuppa joe for the road? I don't think I've seen you around before."

Joshua's eyes widened. "Ah! I-if I'm being a bother, I'll just leave! I'm sorry!" Other people's emotions had never exactly been his forte, so to speak, so he misread Hanekoma's facial expression as one of annoyance.

"Nah, it's alright, really. Heck, you're my first customer for today, so I'll tell you what - the coffee's on the house." He stopped to chuckle inwardly at his words. Sanae never offered anyone free coffee, so the previous sentence seemed almost alien to him. "Look, stop worrying. Just go sit down, aight?"

The fluffy-haired boy seated himself at a nearby table without another word, excited by the prospect of a free drink. Caffeine was completely off-limit's in the Kiryu house hold - for reasons unknown to Joshua - so things such as coffee were obviously off the menu. Not that he minded. He'd been taught that it was bad for his health.

A few minutes later, the undercover Angel made his way towards the occupied table, beverages in hand. "Here ya are kid, the House Blend. Best coffee this side'a Udagawa." he declared proudly, passing him the cup. Joshua had skipped breakfast that morning (to allow himself more time on the streets), so he took the cup gratefully and started to gulp down the bitter drink... only to find himself red-faced moments later, running around like a headless chicken in an attempt to cool down his scalded tongue.

Hanekoma simply threw his head back and laughed. This was the beginning of a beautiful Guardianship...

Joshua found himself in WildKat more and more from then on. He visited as often as he could, to learn more about the enigmatic man who he saw as his first friend. He felt much happier there then he did anywhere else - it was a place where he could vent, and thus become less socially awkward and learn a little more about himself. It wasn't long before Sanae didn't need to use his Imprinting skills to coax the boy into visiting. The now ten year old kid came and went as he pleased.

The barista knew that Joshua would eventually bring up the subject of the Game, whether it took weeks, months or even years. He had a feeling that it would be better if he just let him reveal his ability in his own time, rather than bring it up himself as the Council of Angels pressured him to.

Funnily enough, it wasn't long after he declined the Angel's 'advice' that his own method came to fruition.

"Say Sanae..." the silverette started one day, twirling the cup of coffee (that definitely wasn't free) in his hands. "I feel there's something I need to tell you... But you have to promise not to think I'm crazy. You won't, will you?" Despite his best efforts to seem levelheaded, his voice had risen an octave or two. In all honesty, he had no idea where he was going with this. He just had a feeling, a hunch of sorts, that he should tell the man, so he'd decided to come clean.

Sanae tried his best to look indifferent, but he couldn't hold back the small smile that had crept onto his face. If Joshua was about to say what he thought he was about to say, then he could give himself a well deserved pat on the back (mentally, of course). The Angel was pretty surprised it had only taken this long.

Before speaking, he took another sip of his espresso. "I promise I won't think that, J. Cross my heart, aight? Just fire away."

"Well..." he began, unsure of what to say. "I see things, Mr. H. Really weird things. Scary things. Monsters with tattoos for arms. People that seem to just, well, run through crowds as if they aren't there at all. And they always seem to be being chased. By creepy guys with wings, no less!"

Joshua sighed, casting his gaze down on the table he'd pretty much claimed as his own over his time there. "Come on Mr. H, give me your verdict already. The suspense is killing me." he muttered, a little of the sarcasm that would soon become his trademark seeping through his tone. "I've lost it, haven't I?"

Hanekoma put down his drink for a moment, pulling his shades down to the tip of his nose.  
The amused glint in his eyes was now more apparent.

"Crazy, kid? Far from it." he chuckled. Joshua looked up, visibly confused. "I did wonder when you'd get round to telling me. Joshua Kiryu, welcome to the world of the Game."

The full nature of the Guardianship came to light after that, now that Joshua had put his ability out in the open. He had so many questions, Sanae often struggled to keep up - and it certainly didn't help that he had to tread lightly, forced to avoid the topics that the rather fickle Angels had deemed as 'unsuitable'.

Regardless of the fact that his new found mentor managed to deviously avoid most of his interrogations, Josh quickly became knowledgable about the new world he had stumbled across. His mind quickly absorbed the information it was given, filing it, sorting away for future use. Over the coming years, he would learn the UG inside and out - how the Games were ran, won, and regulated. Sometimes, he would sit in the streets for hours on end, watching events unfold, comparing them to his growing knowledge.

He'd changed a lot since he'd starting visiting - he'd grown a spine, and a smart mouth to back it up. Unsurprisingly, his parents weren't amused by this development. Where had their perfect little boy gone? His only reply was, "He's grown up, and he's sick of the charade. Deal with it." Tension began to build in the household. By his 15th birthday, his mother and father, disgruntled and more than a little peeved, were considering disowning the child all together.

Joshua tried to act non-chalant. He tried to act as he didn't give a damn about what his parents thought about him, for better or for worse. That's just the way he worked - he'd promised himself he wouldn't let himself be hurt by his family life, and he kept that promise to the best of his ability. Though he wouldn't admit, it was hurting him. Hell, most of his life was hurting him. Home? That sucked. School? He was a clever guy - but that won no points social-wise; it was even worse than home. It seemed the only thing keeping him happy was his regular visits to WildKat, and, of course, his studies of the UG.

The Underground... that gave him an idea. A crazy idea that could end in Erasure, but an idea nonetheless...

While he brooded over his plan, his parents became more and more frustrated, until it eventually reached breaking point. His father didn't have the best temper to start with, and Josh seemed to be pushing all the wrong buttons. One night in late November, he lashed out at his son, having finally had enough. Hazy purple eyes looked up at him in dismay, tears slowly forming. Without another word, he fled the house, for what he presumed would be the last time.

Streaking down the streets of Shibuya, Joshua thought about the life he was about to leave behind. That was his plan you see - if he died, he could make a new 'life', so to speak, on the higher planes of reality. Become a Reaper, get promoted, run a few Games... and perhaps, if he tried his hardest, he could get his hands on the coveted position of Composer. But he refused to let his hopes soar THAT high.

Barging into an empty WildKat, he placed a note on the counter that read:

_"Sanae -_

_I'm ending it tonight. Don't bother looking for me._  
_I'll come visit as soon as I can; as soon as the route to Cat Street's open. _

_See you then -_  
_J"_

He could imagine the look on Hanekoma's face when he read that, and let out a soft chuckle despite himself. This was it. The end of the line...

Later that night, Joshua jumped. He didn't particularly pay attention to where from - his mind was on other things. As he fell, he shut himself off from the world, not caring to brace for impact.  
The police were baffled at the discovery of his body the next morning. After all, the Kiryu family was well respected in Shibuya... what reason would their son have for suicide. All the while, his father wondered to himself if it could have been his fault. 'Nonsense.' he told himself, trying to distance himself from the investigation as much as could. 'It was probably school-related...' Little did he know, his son would soon rule over him... he would soon rule over all of Shibuya.

Awakening to the sounds of the Scramble. Player Pin in hand.  
'This,' thought Joshua, 'is where the fun begins.'

A new day, a new game, a new chapter in the teen's life had begun.

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**_A/N: _**_Ho hum. I was pretty sure this was longer... But I digress._

_Did you guys like it? I know the ending especially sucked, but it's all for a reason, I assure you! It's simply because I have a tendency to wrestle with Plot Bunnies, you see. The crappy ending gives me the oppurtunity to, perhaps, one day add to this oneshot. Make it a multi-chap, or something along those lines._

_So for now, I will leave this story as 'Incomplete'; however, if I don't finish my wrestling match with the Bunnies by, say, Christmas time, I'll set it as Complete. I've only got so much patience, ya know. XD Now that I think about it, whether stripped down or not, this is pretty much the longest thing I've ever written... whether fanfiction or original work. Sad, ne?  
_

_Anywho... review please? I collect them. Here's my philosophy - if reviews are love, and/or a sort of 'virtual money' that you 'collect, and love/money makes the world go round, doesn't that mean reviews make the world go round? I appreciate them all, especially constructive criticism. Sho will add flames to the heap. (But not before Josh uses 'em to toast marshmallows.) Thanks in advance~!_

_**- Cookie**  
_


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